Welcome freinds to another tale from the infinate universe . This one is about the family from Puddlebrook Hollow and im sure you will agree , they are such a cuddly bunch of people .

Puddle brook Hollow is a small town in the middle of nowhere, so far of the main road that visitors only arrive by accident. Today a mini bus carrying seven friends on a road trip has such an accident. Lost and with the sat nav not working, Brian James continues to drive down the old back road hoping to find some sign of habitation. Puddle brook Hollow soon comes into View. It is an old looking town with many Tudor buildings dominated by a huge manor. The hour is late and the friends decide to try their luck at the manor, seeing as it is the only building with lights on.

Before we continue let us first be introduced to the seven friends. We have Brian James, the driver. He works in the city as a computer engineer and gets the piss taken out of him because of his huge mop of ginger hair. Then we have his girlfriend, Casey Edwards, a barmaid at the three bridges pub in Eastham. Next is Susanna Lake, a policewoman with a rep for hurting her suspects. She has had seven reprimands in her five years on the force. Susanna's boyfriend Mickey Jones is a timid man, small with glasses and short black hair. He works in a comic shop and loves his girlfriend. Now we meet the twins, Kim and Tim, both teachers, blond, tall and athletic. Then lastly we have Colin. Colin is a quiet man, with a shaven head and a scar down the left side of his face. Rumour has it Colin was in the army but he rarely talks about his past. Now he works in the same office as Brian.

They pull up at the manor and knock on the door. As they wait it begins to rain and so they huddle under the small porch. The door opens, slowly and with a creak that puts their teeth on edge. The man opening the door is huge; at least seven foot tall and stocky built. But his feet are larger still and the friends can't help but stare. "Yes" he asks in a deep voice that sends shivers up the spines of the seven friends. "Hello" says Brian "were lost and was wondering if possibly you could direct us to a b and b or hotel". The big man smiles, revealing that his teeth are like the rest of him. They gleam white and perfect, dazzling the friends. "There is no hotel in Puddle brook Hollow but you can stay with us here tonight, I am sure Granny Needles will enjoy the company"

Despite his mention of Granny, none of the friends see anyone else in the manor as the big man shows them to their rooms. Then he leaves. "Dinner will be served in an hour in the main hall" he says before departing.

Brian and Casey look around their room. It's big with an old fashioned bed and an on suit bathroom. Desperate fro a wizz, Brian runs in and locks the door. Casey is a hard woman but she begins to feel a bit nervous, like she's been watched. Then she realises she is been watched as a slim young girl climbs out from under the bed. The girl is pale and only about twelve. She's dressed in a white night dress. She smiles and walks over to Casey. Poking her in the stomach. " oi 2 shouts Casey , pushing the girl over " what's your bleeding game" The girl lays on the floor a smile upon her lips . Then she sits up and stabs Casey in the foot with a knife, although where she had got it from was any ones guess. Casey was too busy screaming to wonder, especially as the girl was pulling another knife from her sleeve and advancing. You may be wondering what about Brian at this point. But he can't help Casey. You see he's got problems of his own. The little girl's sister was hiding in the shower and she attacked Brian some how producing long prehensile vines from her sleeves that wrapped around his neck and began to choke him. So as Casey screams for help, trying to fend off the psychotic but cute little girl Brian finally chokes to death. Casey tries to reach the door, to escape but alas it is locked and as she tries desperately to open it the little girl climbs up her back and slits her throat. The Bathroom door opens and the girl with the vines walks out, dragging the dead body of Brian behind her. She looks at her sister and giggles. "I've waited so long for playmates" she says as they unlock the door and drag the bodies away

Susanna and Mickey, although in the room next door hear none of the commotion. Mickey may be a small timid man but he is hot in bed and Susanna is so horny after the long ride they both began to strip as soon as they entered the room. As their friends die, they are in the throes of passionate love making. Unsurprisingly they don't hear the door open. "CHEESE" shouts a loud voice and a huge lump of cheddar hits Mickey in the face. Susanna punches the fat man standing next to the bed as he tries to hit her with his bag of cheese. "CHEESE" He shouts again, bits of half digested stilton flying from his mouth, mixed with saliva. He swings the bag, missing Susanna but striking Mickey in the happy sacks. Mickey cries out in agony as you would expect and his girlfriend bolts for the door. "I am the fabric man" says a voice and a figure drops down from the ceiling in front of her. He has a face like old leather; with stitching all over it and his eyes are buttons. At first Suzanne thinks he's wearing a coat made from stitched together pieces of fabric, but when she punches him in the stomach, she realises. He's not wearing stitched together fabric, he is stitched together fabric. "The cheese man likes your boyfriend" says the fabric man as long tendrils of leather burst from his chest and begin to bind Susanna. "CHEESE" replies the cheese man, forcing a large bit of Brie into Mickey's mouth. Susanna screams as the fabric man covers her in silk and cotton and leather and wool. The last thing she sees and hears before her world goes black is "CHEESE" and the fabric mans laughter

Kim sits on her bed, yawning. As she looks in her bag for the drugs she has been regularly taking since her brother got her hooked she notices an old woman sitting in the corner, knitting. "Erm excuse me" she says, not sure what to say "am I in the right room "? The old woman looks up, peering out from huge glasses balanced on her large nose. "I should say so dear, John Bigfoot showed you in here. John loves his old granny needles and wouldn't give me any old rubbish. " . Kim was getting a bit frightened; mainly by the way old granny needles kept licking her lips as she looked Kim up and down. Then she heard the scream. "What's going on" she shouts at the old woman in the chair, except the old woman isn't in the chair any more. Kim screams herself as the old woman runs at her, her hands held out, knitting needles instead of fingers. Kim Luckily dies quickly as the needles tear through her chest and into her heart. Which is good in a way because she doesn't have to feel Granny drinking her blood or indeed hear her brother's death

Tim sits alone in his room. Unknown to any of the friends, including his sister because he drugged her at the time Tim is a rapist. In fact he raped his sister and then got her hooked on drugs. In his computer is a file full of obscene images that if discovered would get Tim locked up for a very long time. However unfortunately for Tim, prison isn't where he's going. There is a knock at his door and when he opens it, a middle aged, yet striking woman is standing there. Her hair is black with grey streaks and her face very elf like. Sparkling blue eyes and ruby lips add to her beauty. Tim smiles and his smile grows wider as the woman undoes her dressing gown to reveal her fit naked body. "Who are you" Tim asks as she glides into the room. "I am Auntie Longfingers" she replies pushing Tim onto the bed. She begins to rub her hands up and down Tim's body and Tim, distracted doesn't even notice the odd thing about her hands. Soon Tim is naked and aroused, lying on the bed with Auntie on top of him. Then he looks at her hands and screams. Auntie's fingers are very long, with about three extra joints in them. Worse than that are her finger nails, curved and sharp like claws. "I am evil Tim" she purrs, rubbing against him "but you're so much worse. I mean your own sister Tim. How could you?" Tim screams out loud as Auntie grabs him. "This is your evil weapon Tim" she says holding him tighter "we must disarm you." Auntie Longfingers smiles, revealing long sharp teeth. "I'm so Hungry Tim" she says wrapping her fingers around his throat to stifle his scream .She smiles at him and then bites

Colin. Sits alone unpacking his case. He puts on the body armour, belt with the extra ammo clips and his big knife and loads his pistol and sub machine gun. He secretly hates his friends you see and is planning on killing them. He realises he's too late when the screaming starts. Suddenly his door opens and a drunken old man falls into the room. Getting up, an act hindered by the big bottle of wine in his hand, the old man giggles and smiles. "Hello son" he says "I'm uncle merry, fancy a drink." Colin smiles and shots the old man in the face. Steeping over him into t he corridor he sees the two little girls dragging Brian and Casey's bodies. "You little cow "he says, a bit miffed "I wanted to do that.". Young miss vine and young Miss Butcher stare at the big man for a second before screaming. Colin shots them both. Then he sees Granny needles and Auntie Longfingers, covered in the blood of his friends. "For Christ sakes what the hell is going on" he shouts and empties his sub machine gun into both of them. Granny needles face explodes and Auntie Longfingers doesn't fair any better. Then Colin is kicked tot he ground and John Bigfoot stamps on his hand. Colin is ex military though and isn't taken down so easily. He pulls his big knife and stabs John Bigfoot in the leg. John screams and falls over. "You bastard" shouts Colin and stabs John Again and again. Colin is now very angry and is about to get up when uncle merry , the bullet wound in his face still dripping with blood brains Colin with the wine bottle . As Colin struggles, uncle Merry hits him again and again until his skull is shattered. The last thing Colin sees before it goes black is the whole family standing around him. "Can we keep him" is the last thing he hears before it goes black

Colin doesn't die like the rest. The family heal him and make him one of them. Renaming him Cousin Trigger , they attach his weapons to him forever and settle down to dinner. Colin has to admit that his mates make better food than they did friends and thinks it wont be to bad in Puddlebrook Hollow